Media luna...

Y se detuvo el tiempo
Y se detuvo mi alma
Y aún el palpitar agitado interno
Ante el reflejo de esos ojos
Que me inundaron de memorias
Y decidí ahogarme un segundo
Muriendo preso del embrujo
De tu sonrisa traviesa
Las estrellas
La laguna
La voz
La media luna
Fue testigo del regreso
Fue espía del suceso
Del evento
De un mismo aliento
Del cálido contacto
De tu abrazo tímido
Que desapareció
Ante la fuerza del deseo
Y mecidos bajo el viento
Entre la inmensa oscuridad
Y la mirada de Marte
Y bendición de Orión
Desaparecieron cual fantasmas
Las inhibiciones
Del pasado incierto

Del misterio temido

Vencido por atrevimiento
Dejando todo a un lado
Ante la orquesta de grillos
De coquíes y del viento
Bajo la media luna
Y su mitad escondida
Juntamos por primera vez
Los cálidos labios
Para darme vida
Para quedar encantado
Y grabé tu risa
Dibujé tu mirada
Para llevarme la memoria
Del eco del momento
Y se detuvo el tiempo
Y se detuvo mi alma
Y aún el palpitar agitado interno
Ante el reflejo de tus ojos

Everlasting peace...

“Tread lightly with the gift of another’s heart … treat it with the utmost care, for there is nothing in this world more precious and fragile”
-Whitten Hall



Get a blank piece of paper and a pen.

Who is the person that means the most to you right now? Write the name down.
At least, what is the first name that comes to your mind?

Think about what you would say to that person today, right now, if you somehow knew that person would pass away tonight. Express yourself fully.

When those close to us pass away some part of us dies with them. A silent void gapes open inside our very hearts and minds, and our days feel as passing slowly. Pain rears its ugly head and crushes us with its unmerciful grip as we fade into the unconsciousness and darkness of oblivion.

Our brain moves back in time from the warm summer we live in to the spring we lived through and created together. Memories bloom like flowers and color our existence. We laughed together at silly things, cried watching a stupid film, argued about things that don’t really matter, painted a house, drove to the theatre, baked a cake, bought gifts, fed the cat…we did it all, and yet we didn’t do enough, for it is never enough when you love someone.

Destiny’s cruel hand, in the flicker of a candle light transports some of us to the cold winter that separated us. The darkest recesses of that deep dungeon in that same so-capable-of-loving heart release the monsters of our putrid past like creatures in a gladiatorial arena. We fight to remember the good things, versus the bad.

The real danger comes when fall arrives, for even though the landscape seems so beautiful everything is dying around us and we may get caught, and trapped, in this deathly illusion. And so we are filled with quiescence, solitude, emptiness, sadness, depression…

Those who pass away cannot express themselves anymore. One way or another they have already left their mark. Time passes by, and we carry the legacy of that someone engraved in our beings. How will we live from now on that they’re missing?
Much like our friends around the corner and those who moved to different places they are not missing, they are missed…but still there.

Know that, for one thing, they are at peace. So don’t drown yourself in an ocean of memories that’s quiet, that’s so calm…


Lesson learned: It is up to us to choose the season we will live in. It will not change their past, but it will change our future.

Who rules...

'He who reigns within himself and rules his passions, desires, and fears is more than a king.'

-John Milton(1608-1674)

Have you wondered why you don’t succeed at a particular endeavor? Have you ever felt as if after all the hardships and struggling to find your way you end up at the shore of a stormy sea and there’s nothing you can do about it?

If you have felt that way, if you have lost all hope let me tell you one thing: you are just focusing on the wrong obstacle. We as humans can overcome anything, with the right tools, and with our mind set to it.

David(in the Bible) defeated Goliath, the giant, with a slingstone to his forehead. He was small, he was weak, but he was brave and strong-willed.

Now, we all have our giants, each to its own.

What is your giant? Is it drugs taking control over your life?

Is it alcohol not allowing you to be happy without it?

Is it risk behavior and the thrill of it being the only thing filling you?

Does your giant have a name?

Is it a sick partner?

Is it depression?

How many times have you said ‘this is the last time’ and failed? You are saying that to yourself, no one really cares.

Identify your giant, decide once and for all to use all your might and your sling to finish its curse in your life…or see your life waste away. It will be hard, I know. It will feel as if you lose your life when you lift this curse, but you will actually be regaining the reins of your own destiny.

You think you can take control of your life? If so, then too bad.

You shouldn’t think you can, you have to be sure. Doubt breeds inaction.

To all of you who are brave enough to evolve and become a better person I say ‘hail’, to all those who don’t I say ‘good luck’ for only luck will allow you be happy.

Lesson learned: Despite what anyone can say or think I AM TAKING control of my life.

Recognizing recognition…

‘Man, I have never loved like this, it feels good to know you are in my life’
-Andrej(1974-1994)

‘Life has no boundaries. The only boundaries it has are the ones you create….’
-Wes Pine in Living a dream

Have you ever felt everything around you ceasing to exist as time stops? Your life feels like a movie where everything gets distorted except for the focus of your newly caught attention. The only thing you can see and hear is moving right in front of you and you can say 'recognition'.

And what is this recognition? I define it as the moment and event when the soul of a person recognizes another as a mate, as a friend, as someone that could be(and will be, in most cases) close enough to touch the vibrating essence of our hearts, close enough to play the strings of our harps and emit a new melody that will reverberate and echo throughout eternity.

It is not love, but the truest of lovers can feel it, their feelings potentiated and strengthened by this strangest of events.
It is not friendship, but could help develop the greatest friendships and alliances that could change the course of history someday.
It is not passion, but it could cause a conflagration that would dwarf passion’s own flame.

We come to envy children in movies who are closer than brothers, who laugh together, cry together and fall in innocent, true love with one another. I’m not talking love as in relationships. I’m referring to love in its purest of forms.

Some of us have never felt this in our lives. Some of us have and we can, despite the time, silence, distance, or death itself smile at the mere fleeting memory of that soul mate that still lives within us.

Don’t isolate yourself in the desert of your depression. There’s someone else out there somewhere who’s an oasis to your life.

Lesson learned: If you think the movie of your life may be almost over and you can already see the credits then search for the sequel.

Muda expresión...

Y me sumergí un día más en el silencio
En el espacio sepulcral de mi casa vacía
La frialdad de las sábanas acarició mi rostro
Cual manos de espectros desesperados
Cuyo eco es solo la burla
De aquellos que me arrebataron lo mío
Porque nunca lo fue y nunca será
Solo crujen mis dientes
Melodioso alarido del dolor revivido
Fresca traición mi vino añejado
Que baña tu sangre
Tus palabras clavadas con garras de acero
Te amo
Y te odio
Me marcho
Y me quedo
Te busco
Y te dejo
Te cuido
Y te olvido
Fantasma embrujado que acecha mi alma
Maldito recuerdo de abrazo perdido
De la cálida estatua egoísta
Estabilidad inestable
Esclavo eterno de Baco
Siervo indudable de Ares
Seguidor incansable de Afrodita
Victima pronta de Hades
¡Largo de mi mente
Fuera de mi vida!
Busco el exorcismo más puro
Para arrancar la raíz de tu sembrada amargura
Asesino impío del sentimiento
Descanso tranquilo
Me vengará la vida
Y llorarás encerrado en tu cárcel
Solo, abandonado, y viejo
Cansado de la sobriedad de tu embriaguez
Tu calabozo castigo merecido
Y te amo
Y me marcho
Y te dejo
Y te olvido

Counter attack...

‘The best way to defend yourself is to stop doing it’
-The Puppet Master



What happens when you leave a room where you just had an argument with someone else? You feel relief, maybe even content with your decision of leaving.

Why? Probably because you have felt the argument was started by that other person who probably had ‘something against’ you.

Analyze this…

Why do you feel people have something against you? We are sensitive to criticism when our self-esteem is so low we counter it by thinking we are just greater than anybody else, and being so important, we can’t help it but be attacked.

Victim, according to Narratology, is defined as ‘a character who is conquered or manipulated by a villain’. Who, then, is the villain that plagues our lives?
It is easier to pick one, to name one, or even to make up one, than to recognize the real villain sabotaging our beings is the one you can only see in a mirror.

We strike back, sometimes blindly, and we end up hurting others, or even ourselves in the process. Sometimes what we hurt is our image, and lose face, and the respect of others.

For once, when an argument arises, stop to think ‘I am not being attacked’ and just listen to whatever the other person has to say. Maybe they’re right, maybe they’re not, but just to let someone ventilate while you wait quietly(AS HARD AS IT IS) will give you victory over your foe.

Get a piece of paper out and write ‘Why am I not being attacked’ when you feel like the World is against you. Then read it and proofread it, and you will see how much stronger you become.


Lesson learned: Drop your shield, the raging battles are present only inside YOUR mind.

Imaginary images…

‘Things are always much more than what they seem…or much less’
-The Puppet Master


This very morning I was taking a friend to the airport. Despite the turmoil inside his head he carried himself so calmly, probably the peace of mind that his ‘returning home’ would bring, the mere ignoring of the destruction which will inevitably happen if his life continues as chaotic as it is right now, or the effect of a medication.

He held a guitar in hand, a Colombian hat resting on his head, and a huge bag with sneakers that didn’t fit inside tied up to the outside belt. You would’ve thought he was a proficient musician, a South American traveler or just a misplaced youngster who moved out too fast to organize his own life effectively. He was all and none. He couldn’t even play the guitar, which was out of tune anyways.

What do you see when you see a white, young thin boy with long blond hair carrying a surfboard? Do you see a young, crazy, adventurous surfer? Or do you see just a young boy who wants to look like a surfer? Or even then, do you see a young boy who is perhaps carrying a surfboard somewhere, maybe to sell it. The fact is that this boy may be all three of those, or none.

If you see a woman crying alone, what do you see? Is she a woman who cries for the death of her son? Or is she crying out of despair, for she has no money, no home, and no food? Or even then, she might be crying out of happiness, for she has received a so long awaited blessing. She might be all three, or none.

Snails, always seem as cursed for their slowness at least take their time to think. Even monkeys sit down and analyze things before acting, even if the act they perform is not the best.


Lesson learned: What do we see? We are quick to judge. Don’t just see. Scrutinize, see beyond the beyond.

Black diamond…

‘Only you know your true worth’

-The Puppet Master

Who are you?

Let me ask you again, and think carefully…WHO ARE YOU?

How long did it take you to answer? Did you answer promptly? When we hesitate, is thought, we are showing insecurity. Hesitating, however, brings us a brief moment of rethinking that could end up in a great time of respite.

Are you a young man who’s striving to study? Are you a simple person who works at a store? Are you a woman who’s living the moment? Perhaps you’re an old man who’s feeling tired, or a housewife who’s sad. Maybe you’re an adult female who’s lonely…

Think about how you describe yourself.

I think…wait, let me correct that! I KNOW you are much more than that. Maybe you have been through Hell and back again, but what’s important is not the journey you’ve taken, it is who you are because of that journey.

Have you figured why I asked you this question? Well I have because you, and ONLY YOU know your true value. Coal is a potential diamond.

Who am I? I am a man, a young professional who thought my true worth depended on other’s view of me. God, I suffered for it badly, and lived through a desert that drained my spirit, that wounded my soul. Despite it all I have chosen to stand forth, to look up, thank God and to help others in similar situations not to open their eyes(as it will depend on their own disposition to learn), but to see that there is always another way of seeing things, and themselves.

Now, I ask you, once again, WHO ARE YOU?

Lesson learned: We should all be jewelers, for we are all jewels.

Losing it...

‘The greatest loser of all knows he’s losing something valuable, yet does nothing to keep it’

-The Puppet Master

The Cravers…

…that would be another, perfect name for the human race. We want more and more each day. We consume, we buy, we even own more than we can handle.

Take for example books. How many of us own books? Are we reading them all at the same time? If not, why do we keep them? They occupy space in our closets, lots of it. We sometimes think they will be useful in the future, but then we don’t ever open them again. Why don’t we give them to someone else who could make good use of the material inside? Even before finishing a book we’re already on the prowl, searching for the next text to feed our craving eyes.

We are so difficult to satisfy.

People…

Are we ever satisfied with what we’ve got? Maybe we have found a great partner, someone worthy to be described in a fairy tale, someone so perfect it must have been ‘sent by God himself’. Sadly, even that is not enough. As time passes by we occasionally get so used to that someone’s presence that we don’t even notice that same old person was the one that swept us away in the beginning. We are ‘satisfied’ by the mere thought of a different person at our side, on our bed, on our lives.

Open your eves before it is too late and decide. What is worth keeping?

Lesson learned: Loss can be a great, yet a stern teacher.

Lone wolf...

The coward dies a thousand deaths, the brave man...only five hundred.

-Meredith Willson

Why does a wolf howl at the moon?

Have you ever wondered why?

In the eternal search for ourselves we wander, aimlessly at times. Throughout the dank, dark forests of our lives we sometimes see roads that seem to lead to our final destination. Occasionally, and sometimes more than we want it, the road ends on a broken bridge, on a sabotaged dam. We, with our ignorance, have been the perpetrators of such sabotage.

There are times when we must choose a small, forgotten winding trail through the dense woods. It may be the scariest place we’ve been, but only because we have chosen to see these difficulties as such, for we have seen a forest as a place people get lost, not as a great natural source of wood with which to build a campfire, or even a cabin to protect us from the impious weather.

Wolves howl not at the moon, the howl upwards so that the sound can be transmitted in 360 degrees from its howling point. It howls so that others like him can hear him in the distance when he has gotten lost. All sense of pride is abandoned, for a wolf is not foolish, it would rather announce he’s lost than risk never finding his way. They do it atop a rock, on bright nights mostly because amidst the darkness his way will be more visible.

Now other envious wolves can also hear the howl, and may search for him to kill the wanderer. Everything in life involves a risk.

Will you be brave and howl in the middle of your darkest hour? Or will you try to find the way on you own, in your foolish independence?

Lesson learned: ‘I will howl, and I will live’

Green grass...

‘The grass is always greener on the other side’

-Anonymous

At times you look carefully enough to notice the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence. What you don’t see as carefully is, though, that there's also barbed wire separating those sides, and crossing it can spell disaster. Not only is the crossing over treacherous enough, but as you make it you’ll notice the grass is just the same, it just seemed greener when the light of the sun shone upon it from a different angle.

Why look for a hidden treasure, why wish for what we don’t have?

We humans crave for more and more, our hunger never satisfied. Why don’t we instead take that same light and direct it to wherever we want it to shine. It is then when we will see we can be happy with what we have. The problem is not wanting more, don’t take me wrong, but when you can’t be happy until you catch that ever-fading dream you will never then be happy.

Fulfill your dream, but do it in yourself. Stop looking for your fulfillment anywhere else. Only you can fill your own void, permanently.

Lesson learned: The grass is greener wherever it is watered.

Temporal stasis...

‘If one thing’s uncertain is uncertainty’

-The Puppet Master

What happens next?

That’s a question we all fear. We, who strive to take control of our lives and environment, the strong human race which seem to be the epitome of evolution on this planet. We have conquered all, but we are conquered by fear.

The fear of loss, the fear of betrayal, the fear of starting again something that is doomed to fail…

Ignorance rears its ugly head, breeds fear, feeds it, raises it, and it sets fear free to roam and destroy us in its growing process.

Understand…set your mind to it. Accept things as they are, accept people as they are. Instead of expecting someone to change, why don’t we learn instead? Learn to deal with the problem, seek the solution.

Move, learn, grow, let go, send away, love yourself, enjoy life as it is, with the least of worries, and you will succeed in finding the happiness we all work so hard to get.

Lesson learned: No one knows what will happen next, but we can focus on what we can do whatever happens.

No return...

‘The Fountain of Youth is found deep within each one of us’

-The Puppet Master

When was the last time you sat by yourself and said ‘I wish I was young again’. Or when was the last time you told someone ‘Wish I was half my age knowing what I now know’. If you haven’t said it in a long time is most likely because you’ve been too busy to even think about it, but when a single second of respite appears these thoughts come back, as if there was nothing else more important to think about.

The longing of our past youth shows partly regret at our current situation. Who were we when we were 17? We were just an immature version of ourselves. That said we don’t have to long for that ‘lost self’, we ARE that same person and we can do most things just as we did.

You can still laugh at stupid things…

You can still relax and watch movies till the morning…

You can still speak countless hours on the phone…

You can still live life to its fullest…

…intelligently

…wisely

So take an hour to go to that coffee place where you sit down and relax and invite yourself on a date. Invite your old self. Just sit there and relax, not with a newspaper at hand, not with a laptop, not with work stuff. Get your favorite flavor poured and just talk to yourself. Talk about all those things you not just ‘would like to do’, tell yourself those things you ‘will do’ and you will discover you have a chance to be happy and achieve those things you have always dreamed of.

When the date ends, say goodbye to that child you left behind and long for, and say hello to a newer, complete you.

Lesson learned: ‘Others can only bring temporary happiness to our lives, for true happiness must be achieved by our own effort’

Knowledge knows...

‘Ignorance is bliss, for the ignorant…’

-The Puppet Master

You have to admit it feels good to know things. A sense of superiority, no matter how humble the person, fills a being when he finds out he understands more or better than others around him. Knowledge is a powerful weapon.

Ignorance, by the same token, is a great curse afflicting human society. Those powerful enough to keep knowledge limited and keep it from reaching the hands of the populace are dictators and tyrants of the worst kind.

Why do we choose to keep knowledge from others? Do we have such low self-esteem that we need even this to feel superior?

Teaching is one of the best professions there is out there, if you come to think of it. Teachers are much more powerful than military leaders, doctors, artists, writers and even rulers. Teachers create each and all of them.

Speak honestly to others when asked, and reveal all you know. Give unto others, transmit your knowledge, for in the end it will otherwise all go to the grave, where not even the worms will get sustenance from it.

Lesson learned: ‘If I teach all the ways I can save a life perhaps I will be saved in the same way in the future’.

Recalling integrity…

‘Always remember where you came from, and, even if you lose it all don’t lose your integrity’

-My Dad, some time ago

What do you think of when you hear that one word integrity?

What image comes to your mind?

The dictionary defines integrity as ‘wholeness’, ‘moral soundness’, and my personal favorite ‘an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting’.

I won’t start talking about moral soundness and morality, only because after living through my recent experiences I’ve learned well there are people who just choose to ignore morality(with a billion different excuses for doing so) just to justify their behavior, however aberrant other people would consider it. By the same token this blog would be ignored by them, and I want it to be a learning and teaching experience, not a personal attack.

With nothing wanting…

That part just makes you stand in front of your life’s mirror and evaluate yourself. What have you done in the last year? The last month? The last week? What are the principles you used as a standard to evaluate others and how do you measure up against your own standard? Most of the time we don’t even come close. We fail ourselves.

I have failed myself. I tried to stand firm in my convictions, but was slowly swayed by the deceiving snakes of my personal Eden. The unforgiving claws of shame made me exile myself out of paradise. Unlike Eve facing God I have no excuse. I almost gave in to even the risk of uncontrolled passion and sharing my treasures with strangers, but I didn’t.

Like a failed knight with a charred suit of armor I kneel in front of the light, the light where nothing is hidden from view. I look up and with a weakened smile come to realize I have not completely failed myself. If something, I have succeeded. I have chased the depraved bandits assaulting my dominion, even though it almost cost me my sanity.

Today I stand in the light where I bask. A new suit of silver armor which I hope will reflect upon the light that heals my wounds rests upon my shoulders. A failed knight is more dangerous and more chivalrous upon his return, I will stand firm this time, remembering the treacherous ground I once treaded upon, and I will not walk that path again, ever.

What will you do?

Lesson learned: To succeed in life’s growth process we have to be able to recognize where we fail ourselves. It will then set a firm ground where to set hold when the chaotic maelstrom of confusion comes to consume us.

Blind perception...

‘If I ask you a question, you will answer what I want to hear. Were I to converse with you, I would let your true self flow out and be seen’
-Laudy



Two hurried, constant steps echo endlessly within the empty chambers where a river flows eternally to be mixed with the breath of life…

Such is the beating of our heart when it feels joy. It behaves thus when we open ourselves to the possibility of getting to know another person be it friend, lover, child, or just an acquaintance.

Our solitude in this world moving fast-forward fills us with despair at times, and fear of staying alone for the rest of our existence. We live our lives in such a hurry only because we choose to, because we perceive it as too short. Now, take your time to enjoy each minute one day, to sit down and relax, to read a little or, even better to gaze at the clouds passing by and think.
After less than half an hour it would seem as if many hours have passed, for life is long in itself, we just pass it by.

By the same token, when we meet another person, be it whomever it may be, we many times ask them multiple questions. Who are we to test their will or intentions? Is it wise to start asking the questions we already have in our repertoire to ease the analysis? Now, we abort new relationships(be it friendship or love) after reaching a conclusion thanks to the limits we impose on ourselves and our own fruitless perception. It’s like judging a book by its cover.

Strive to see a person for what he is, for what is a tree?
What, again, is a tree?
Draw it a second, do this exercise and then read more.

Draw a tree…

Take the time to listen, to ease a conversation and then study a person. Close your damned agenda and open your sketch book, where you will be able to express yourself and let others do the same comfortably.

Now, look at your tree. Did you draw the leaves? The foliage is one thing but, did you draw the leaves? The fruits? Did you draw the earth, or the roots? How about the roots going into the earth?
You probably didn’t, such is your limited perception of others…



Lesson learned: Before reaching any conclusion analyze things carefully, specially people. Things are not just black and white, nor grays and multicolored. There’s also transparent, invisible things we can only perceive if we are careful.

Laughing matters...

‘Smile, and you may brighten up the day of someone who may brighten yours someday’
-The Puppet Master


So, you’re sitting here, in front of this screen. I bet you’re not smiling.

Why not?

Maybe you think there’s no reason to smile today, or just right now. Well, for one thing you’re alive. You probably have a job. You surely have a family, or just people you can count on in your direst times. There can be a million different reasons why you should smile, if not outright laugh.
We live under so much pressure. Each morning starts with our worrying about the rest of the day, and maybe even the days to follow. Is there enough money left on our bank accounts? Is there much homework to do for college? Is the pool clean? Am I ill? Did I feed my fish? Do I have clean clothes for tomorrow? What am I going to cook today? Does he/she still love me? While we worry about all these things we’re not living our lives, our lives are living us.

Stop your day for a second. If possible, turn the lights of your room off for a minute. Otherwise just turn off the lights of your mind and think not of things other than ‘why, despite it all, should I be happy about’.

Practice this. Pick three unknown people today, look at them in the eye and smile. Just smile. You will see their faces brighten up. You make even make a new friend. Most importantly, you may ease a burden from that someone’s shoulders. They will feel so good about themselves that they will, in turn, smile to someone else. Imagine the power a simple movement of your lips can have, it can change lives, it can change the world…



Lesson learned: Give unto others, and life will reward you.

Self dedication...

‘Why do we dedicate time but not thoughts to ourselves?’
-The Puppet Master

Before reading more pick up a blank piece of paper and a pen or pencil. If you don’t have access to them right now then wait, and read it when you have them available, you will then experience something that can change your life.

Now, with the paper and pen in hand…

Write yourself a song, dedicate yourself a poem.

Have you ever wondered what your life in its entirety is like? You surely have dwelled on the problems you face, on the moment you are living through right now. You may have ignored the rest, though.
Have you sincerely ever sat down to think how your life has truly been? Have you ever given much thought to the ‘who am I’, rather than to the 'what I want'?

Write it all down, as a brainstorm before editing it.

Though you may think yourself unskilled in this endeavor your life in itself will make a masterpiece of whatever you choose to write. It is the very essence of your self, of who you have learnt to be, what will give life to the piece you write. Be honest, for only then you will truly understand so much about yourself and you will be ready to face the world once again as you truly are, not as you want to be.

Write it here as a comment and contribute to the growth of others. Most importantly, know yourself, love yourself, teach yourself, and learn yourself.


Wanderer

Over many years, many changes
Faces in my life, most remembered
Battering illusions of the past
Playing my own disbelief

(Chorus)
Preying prayers holding me together
Torturous hands tearing me in two
Supplication of iniquity
I’ve sinned against myself
I’ve trespassed my soul
Will I be the same forevermore?

Eyes searching upon the light,
Blessing touch of healing hands
Comforting words that ease the pain
That soothe the soul, that lick the wounds

Settling in, wandering settler
Achieving goals so far away
Hidden joy and hopeful song
Bursting through my chest

(chorus)




Lesson learned: Only by being honest to myself will I be able to start the journey to change what I must change to become who I must become.

For granted...

‘Every single little thing, if seen on its own, is valuable’
-The Puppet Master


So you’re sitting there, in front of this electronic device. Many of you have taken a step forward in life and have determined to try and appreciate things more. Well, there are very small, insignificant things that may have been overlooked…
Who served your coffee this morning? Who is that person and what does it mean to you? He might be just an anonymous guy serving coffee, but that anonymous guy helped you start your day off in a particularly good mood. If it wasn’t for him you’d get to work late(or even later if you’re already so).
Who was that lady in the car at your side while you drove to work? She’s just one lady driving her vehicle, but yet you recall her face, and maybe her smile however faint. Who is she, and what does she mean to you? She may well be just an aged woman, but she smiled at you, and a smile is always responded, conscious or unconsciously.
Who’s the security guard, the janitor, the policeman, the little child across the street? Who are they, and what do they mean to you in the never-ending chaotic turmoil of your life.

Now, who is the person you sometimes kiss in the morning? Who is that someone who cuddled with you in the cold of the night. It might not mean much, but that someone’s proximity would help you comfort in your sleep. Who is he whose eyes pierce your very essence and make your drawn weapons fall to the ground? Who is he, and what does he mean to you?
Have you forgotten? To truly appreciate life one must appreciate all the little things around us, and all the big things our ungratefulness makes appear little.


Lesson learned: Every single little piece of candy is sweet. Like each day in love, it should be truly appreciated.

Dawn breaks...

‘Good night, Mo, and sweet dreams. Fold this day into itself, and when tomorrow comes start your life anew’
-Whitten Hall , text message received on 08/15/07

(This post would originally be named ‘Night falls…’ However, like plants, if I am to continue my growth process I need to bask in the warm light of a new day)

…and, with difficulty, you close the last page of that accursed book, its parchment written along with never-ending tears of blood. Despite an utmost desire to cast it away to the bottom of the sea or burn it in a pyre something makes you cling to its content for a second. You take the book back. If opened once again the fresh memories will claw at your skin viciously, perhaps reopening wounds that have clearly not been healed. The shock of the things sometimes best left forgotten will cloud your thoughts and will weaken your spirit.

Set it down, look at this inanimate object that has taken possession of your most intimate thoughts. Breathe in deeply, look at it one last time and say 'thanks for the lessons learned'. Pick it up and place it in an open bookshelf, but high enough so that you can't reach it again, but so that you can see it and remember the lessons you learned whenever you decide to clean your house.

As bad as things may seem they are not the end of the World. Maybe they are the end of the world you knew, a world which you thought you would never be able to escape. Free yourself from pain, free yourself from sorrow, and free yourself from those who inflict them on you or themselves. Above all, love yourself, for in due time you’ll realize you’re the only one you can count on.


Lesson learned: 'The past is a collection of memories from which you can learn, not a web in which you are caught. By all means leave it all behind, lift your hands in victory over that which would never let you move forward, yourself. Just say goodbye'

The end...

‘There’s a means to an end, and what does the end truly mean?’
-The Puppet Master



A time of respite comes after every big battle. Where many have died not long ago and many wounds were inflicted, where the spirits of hatred permeated the scene, now only quiescence remains.
An empty house, the echoes of the crystallized tears breaking upon contact with the ground fill the air. Where once there was love there is now resentment, where there was passion uncontrolled desires reign, where there was understanding there’s just confusion left.
You wake up in your bed one day, alone. Your only companions have been your pillows, sheets and the sun, the only ones caressing your chest now.
It feels as if we are in a vortex. The Limbo or Hades itself would seem like an easier place to live in.

The end is just happening. We are living through it.

It is not over…

The end is just a step away from the new beginning.
The sheets in your bed will comfort you while you’re sleeping, the sun will wake you up without an argument, his warmth the one you have not felt for long.

A new day has arrived. There is so much to do. Things happen for a reason, they say. Close the last chapter and sigh, breath out in relief that the burden was already carried, set in place. Reward yourself.

Pull the ivy's thorns from around your heart out, it will hurt in the process, but do it promptly lest your heart be wounded beyond repair.

Forgive…
…forget…



Lesson learned: ‘Rise up and smile, and you’ll shine more than the purest of gold’

Left behind...

‘Everything in life is a learning experience’

-The Puppet Master

Have you ever felt like a slow child sitting at the front desk in his classroom, trying to learn as fast as the others, only to be forgotten by an indifferent teacher? No matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he strives he will always, in the end, be left behind…And some may argue it is not cruel, and many will agree. They say the masses cannot lose grip on their success due to their waiting for the weakest link.

What about those animals who are wounded, they will be easy prey to the wolves following them. Those in the front will move on, leaving the unfortunate one behind…Some may say it is in nature itself to preserve the species, and that the species cannot succumb due to the saving of the one who will die nonetheless.

In some homes there are parents who have grown tired of their problems. They pack up their things and just disappear one night, leaving their children defenseless, behind…Surely there are those who argue people act in weird ways at times, and it should be forgiven, for in the end they are protecting themselves from insanity.

Even eternal lovers separate occasionally due to one partner’s desire to ‘live life to its fullest’ without taking into consideration the needs or desires of his other half, and one stays alone, behind…What argument people may add is that one should look for its own happiness, even if sometimes it means others must be sacrificed.

An old pet is forgotten by a child, eager to receive her new pet and hold it in her arms.The original one tries its best to be noticed, only to be replaced easily and left behind…Parents may agree children need new experiences, and each new experience makes them grow to become better people.

Clearly, all these fools have never felt what it is to be left behind.

When you stay behind what’s left is the cold winter of a cruel solitude. The hungry, impious predators loom around waiting for your fall to devour you, gnawing at your bones when nothing is left.

Look up now, stand up, stand out, and stand proud. You have been left behind for a reason. Someone has overlooked your true value. Someone has mistaken you for something else and, in many ways your abandonment will ultimately help you to realize your true worth.

Lesson learned: Stand up, light a fire, and fend off the wolves of your past. You have not been left behind, as those fools have not moved forward. They have turned and moved a different way.

Unsung song...

''The only perfect song comes from the heart'

The Puppet Master

You

Never thought one day I’d come

To admire, ooh to admire

A spirit young,

Crazy, always roaming free

Striving to stay afloat

Fighting for freedom, ooh endless freedom

From that labyrinthine mind,

Torturous punishment, damned curse

You

Smiling, a lighthouse in my life

A touch infrequently soft

Yet always so gentle

You

Disquieting poem of endless

Different verses

Composing your being

Perfect statue

I built you a throne of heart-made marble

Black pearl eyes charming me

Ooh charming me

Warrior of justice

Friend to the loneliness

Brave young sentience

Lifting me up, ooh lifting me up

Lesson learned: Write yourself a song, and it will never go unnoticed.

Bitten hand…

‘I have to admire Jesus’
-The Puppet Master


It feels awful to be so deeply hurt that even the tears refrain to make an appearance. Of the many experiences that shape lives I guess pain turns out to be a very loyal friend. Years after a painful event the mere memory of it can cleave into our heart and leave a bleeding gash. It was always there, we then realize. Pain just makes you believe the cake is freshly baked.
Amongst the worst kinds of pain is the one you feel after a betrayal. We are not perfect, nobody is. Some of us, though, try our best to help another being. We sacrifice our time, we fall in love, we modify our plans, we spend money, sometimes get in debt, only to one day be left behind when that someone is feeling better.
The grass is always greener on the other side… those wise words should be included in the Bible.
Beware of stray dogs. They may be wounded, their saddened eyes hiding their very true sick nature. You will feed them in order to not only do some good, but to truly aid some being. In the end a stray dog will still be a stray dog. It will sink its teeth deeply in your hand before it leaves for someone else’s care. All the time you dedicated serves nothing, for all he cares you’re one day running out of food, and he needs to find another source.

There are things worse than stray dogs…


Lesson Learned: ‘Parasites: a phenomenon in which two organisms which are unrelated co-exist over a prolonged period of time, usually the lifetime of one of the individuals’

363 days...

'Nothing lasts forever...except bad politicians'
-The Puppet Master

A stillborn creature lies before me. My eyes once filled with compassion and saddened are now full of glee.

The poet who never wrote a poem closes his eyes…

The mime who never expressed a thing is frozen…

The painter ends his art before the first stroke…

Almost a year is gone, and the dreams will remain just dreams. The wounded swallow will fly once again home. The man tending its wounds remains silent, left in the background while the bird seeks its way. He sighs, and he turns around to once again walk the way he left behind while in the care of the wounded soul.

Memories solid like the hardest diamond will remain. Lessons are learned, they must be remembered. Life ends, and in the eternal cycle of this existence it begins once more.

Good luck, my little one, wherever you fly to, wherever you nest I’ll be here remembering you…

Lesson learned: ‘If I were to write all the lessons learned in these last 363 days I would never stop writing. But, above all, I have learned to love truly’.

Deafening words...

‘Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens’
-Jimi Hendrix


Wait…
Take a minute to stop doing what you’re doing, even reading these words, and listen.

I am sure it may be the only minute today you may have not just put your ears to work but to listen carefully for once.

You certainly felt different even if for an instant.
Some among us have studied a lot. Others may have watched the news for years, maybe even read all the great poems and more than a hundred books and in the process have obtained great knowledge. They think, even if they don’t want to admit it, their role in life is to ‘educate’ or ‘enlighten’ others with their vast array of lectures. Most of them become orators who are ever ready to make a speech at the first opportunity. These people become the best of listeners…if listening to their own words was the only thing that counts.

History recognizes great speakers, the greatest orators of times past and present. Their names will never be forgotten for what they said at one time. It doesn’t honor those who have listened.
Funny, isn’t it? Most of us refer to ourselves great listeners. Guess that is only because we are all great liars. The only words we pay close attention to are the ones which could trampoline us to a masterful interruption of what is being expressed and an inclusion of our own set of ‘knowledgeable’ blabber.
When we speak mindlessly we make ourselves deaf to other people’s expressions, and we deafen their own ears. Our knowledge then becomes bland, only a group of words coming out of the lips of a robotic being. We show our low self-esteem.
An argument is not won by the one who expresses the most words, by the one who interrupts the most, or even by the one who talks last…

So, if I admire those who seek knowledge by their sheer intelligence and their ambition to read more, I admire even more those who develop a greater understanding of things, of people and of themselves by choosing to listen intently. They learn how not to be from those incapable of taking their time to listen.

There would be no need for therapists if we would all listen to each other.


Lesson Learned: The greatest changes in the history of the World were accomplished not by the ones who spoke new ideas, but by those who chose to listen.

Be strung...

When the going gets tough the tough get going…the wise look for a better way around
-The Puppet Master


We cannot save the World.

If we keep focusing on the problems we face every day: the overwhelming weight of the guilt, the hatred, the feeling of impotence, the arrogance, the indifference, we won’t ever solve anything. We will end up committing mass suicide one day.

We as humans are the (some say) most evolved of species, yet we are also the most primitive in one too many a way. Humans have a great capacity to learn and to be understanding, but also capable of being exceedingly cruel, unforgiving, and demanding. We are happy only when sitting at the judge’s podium, someone else being the victim. We then become powerful, cold, distant, different, listening only to our own decrees and determinations. Yet, when we are in the spotlight we’re like wild beasts defending ourselves against any judgment from someone else. In our minds we aren’t holy, for we foolishly think we are better than that.
The past can help us guide ourselves towards our own future. Some, however, are so rotten inside they will dwell in the past like vultures over a morbid corpse, pecking at the broken pieces of the person you once were.

Despite it all, despite the desolate future we can foresee if things keep going the way they are be strong.
Be strong when you are hurting and no one seems to care.
Be strong when you have been humiliated, for taking revenge is showing weakness.
Be strong when you’re misjudged, when others don’t believe you, or don’t believe in you.
Be strong when you’re alone in your quest for becoming a better person, when others think you have no hope for change.


Oh, but the vultures of the past will still be haunting you, flying above, their shadows looming towards your every failing step. They will feed on your fear, they will delight on your pain upon remembering your transgressions, they will flaunt on their only virtue, their ability to hurt.

Lesson Learned: By being strong you will not only survive the continuously evolving chaos we live in, you’ll also be above the likes of those who live reminding you of your past mistakes, and above those who can’t do more than point at your present ones.

Thank you...

Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. ~G.B. Stern


Thank you life,
for being the perfect teacher every day. For showing patience, for understanding. For expressing your opinion through your sealed lips.

Thanks for poverty, for it teaches me not to pity, but to help the unfortunate.

Thanks for hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanoes, storms, for they have shown me nature's beauty can be found even in the worst of times.

Thank you life for the suffering undergone, for it teaches me strength comes from within, and to search for it constantly.

Thank you for friendship, for I have learned the importance of love unconditional.

Thank you for the tears, for they have given me sensibility.

Thank you life for laughter, for it has lifted my spirits even in the worst of times.

Thanks for debt, it has taught me to become a better administrator of my blessings.

Thank you for newer enemies, for they have taught me future carefulness.

Thank you life, for death, for it has taught me nothing lasts forever.


Lesson Learned: Thank you always, life, for all the lessons learned...

Wounded soldier...

‘The wise sometimes stop and think, the wiser rethink’
-The Puppet Master





…a sanguine trail follows the sole survivor of that barren wasteland which, moments before, was a hellish battleground. His sword rests under the weakened grasp of the wounded man’s failing grip. Around him the valley breathes death. Despite his dwindling strength he takes another step forward, each one harder than the last. He falls to the ground, the dying breath leaving his dry lips.



After every great battle there comes a time of respite.
One feels weary, tiredness takes a hold of a person after a long struggle. There is always a lot of pain and even more discomfort. Love can suffer deep, grievous wounds that sometimes help it become stronger. Just sometimes…

What matters is not the time we take to rest, to think of all possibilities and ways to solve our issues, ways to heal ourselves. The wise men think before moving forward, the wiser think again.

Don’t think of ways to heal a wound, for sometimes healing is not the solution. An infected wound must be cut open, the damage removed and cast away to be forgotten, lest it infects the rest and end the life altogether.

After the sometimes different healing process the story of one’s life can sound different, taking an unexpected turn…


…a sanguine trail follows the sole survivor of that barren wasteland which, moments before, was a hellish battleground. His sword rests under the weakened grasp of the wounded man’s failing grip. Around him the valley breathes death. Despite his dwindling strength he takes another step forward, each one harder than the last. He sinks his blade on the ground from which water slowly sprouts. The time for healing has come forth.





Lesson learned: The strongest soldiers regain their strength after the chaos is gone. The wisest regain their will.

Unrevealed feelings...

‘I would be nothing without you…’
-Wind Beneath my Wings



Weariness took a hold of us on our way back from New Orleans. It would later take us close to 24 hours to drive all the way back home. We spoke, sang, listened to multiple radiostations, argued and many other minor forgettable things…now, one particular moment would change my life. They played a song some Hispanic songstress dedicated to her deceased father.

The song would bring tears to my eyes…

My father was a serious-minded individual who would joke more with strangers than with us. He was outgoing with others but stern with us. Dad would not sit beside me to help me with my homework. He didn’t talk to me about sex during my teenager years. I don’t remember him saying ‘I love you son’ or ‘I’m so proud of you’. My father never bought me a car. He didn’t talk much, always hiding behind his newspaper, reading himself to sleep after coming in from work. My father just gave me $2.00 each day for lunch. He didn’t buy me nice clothes or shoes. Dad would never buy me a drink, and never taught me how to drink. He didn’t hug me…

Now my father would not tell us jokes, for we were amongst the ones who heard them. He would want us to be firm in our decisions. I wouldn’t ever see him helping me with my homework for he didn’t have much education, and once he saw me going on my own two feet he let me do them on my own. He didn’t talk about sex during my teen years for he had done it before that. My dad never said ‘I love you’ or even ‘I’m so proud’ for he knew words weren’t enough, he showed it with a smile, and his co-workers would always tell us how much he did. He never bought me a car, but yet in nearly 30 years since he got married he never got a new car himself, always damaged, always cheap cars was all he could afford. My father perhaps spent too much time with the newspaper, for we spent too much time in front of the tv and playing video games, ignoring him when he would speak. He gave me $2.00 for lunch each day, not enough when the cheapest lunch was $3.00, but he kept only $0.50 in his pockets each day for just two cups of coffee to mitigate his own hunger. He didn’t buy me new clothes or shoes, and I developed no sense of fashion, yet his clothes were much older than mine, and he would never complain. My father would never buy me a drink, for he had been an alcoholic in the past and he didn’t want me to try what had almost destroyed his life and family.

I tried to contain myself, but I couldn’t help it but let the tears trickle down my face. All this time I had not been grateful enough to acknowledge I am what I am because of my father. I don’t mean this in the accusing way immature adolescents point their fingers at their progenitors, stating they are at fault for their children’s mistakes. What I mean is that, despite it all, I am a good man, responsible, warm, caring, a funny individual, goal-oriented, all thanks to the example that my own father had given me.

Our fathers may not have been perfect in a million different ways. Sometimes we just condemn them for ‘doing what they did’, whatever that means. They are just human beings like us. Who are we to judge them when we make mistakes every day, and these are all our very own mistakes. In their place maybe we would have been better, but maybe we would have done worse.

Due to our culture it is hard for us to just look at our father’s eyes in a day other than Father’s Day and say ‘Dad, thank you for all the lessons learned, I love you for that’. Let’s just do it. I’m flying back home today to the arms of my old man and I can’t wait to see him and give him a big hug and a kiss.

Dad, I won’t wait till you pass away to let you know how grateful I am to have had you in my life.




Lesson Learned: ‘Dad, with all your imperfections you’re better than any role model out there. You are my one true hero.’

Broken lens...

When we focus on fixing someone else’s many defects we become far less perfect.

-The Puppet Master

My hands are dry now, dry like a dead sea. The eyes tired of shedding silent tears which would only be saved by my own failing grasp.

I once tried to be a knight on my own, a warrior of virtue that ended up just a regular con man; a commoner who played being a chosen one, a languid mockery of one who should have been praised for his acting instead of his well portrayed deceitful sacrifice.

It is true, I have to admit, that a recent wound is not easily forgotten. A recent gushing of blood seems to be bigger than anything else. This is characteristic not of human nature, but of the societal norms we condemn ourselves with.

People like failures. It lets them focus on who to condemn, on where to point the accusing finger at. A lamb must be chosen as a sacrificial in order for people to forget their self-esteem is ever closer to hit rock-bottom.

Why feel the nail of your own pointing finger clawing at your own reflection when you can use it to make someone else’s life miserable?

I have met a new, most faithful friend. It has become more than a friend, but a secret personal trainer. He’s pushed me forward, giving me the momentum I need to overcome life’s many obstacles. The last few days we have visited the most complete of libraries, that place where the greatest secrets are kept, my own consciousness. Without a doubt I can close my eyes and trust in him, for Time will never betray me, it will only be the best of teachers.

New decisions will have to be faced in the near future but I fear not. For good or for ill they will make me stronger.

Lesson Learned: Amongst the many things you can learn from time is that it can never heal a wound. It will, however, give you the wisdom to heal them yourself.

Nieve blanca...

Si me preguntas por qué creo en ángeles entenderé que eres ciego

-The Puppet Master

‘¿Qué cantas?’

Esa voz de pequeña curiosa todavía hace eco en mi mente, siempre dibujando una sonrisa plena en mi rostro.

Me recuerdo sentado tras un escritorio viejo, de espaldas a ella. Contesté que era sólo una canción que había escrito, restando importancia. Aun así insistió en escucharla entera. En algún otro caso probablemente me hubiese resistido, al menos algo, mas esta no era solo una niña en una iglesia o vecindario curioseando, era ella una joven desafortunada internada en la unidad de cuidado intensivo del hospital de la capital. Yo le atendía desde hace solo un día.

‘Si tan solo mi papá la pudiese escuchar algún día…¿Se la cantarías?’ Contesté que por supuesto, tratando de salir del paso.

La recuerdo sola en esa cama, la unidad de intensivo pediátrico vacía en esos días. Era la chiquilla la única paciente. Bien por mí, estaba a penas empezando la práctica de mi carrera médica y con un solo caso, complicado como era, tendría tiempo para cometer menos errores.

Quedó enamorada de un peluche que llevaba en mi bolsillo, un pequeño oso polar que a penas costo un dólar. Lo cargaba para llamar la atención de los pequeños en la unidad de pediatría. El día siguiente le regalé el osillo, a quien coloqué un yeso con cinta adhesiva en la cabeza hasta cubrir diagonalmente uno de sus ojos.

‘Así podré cuidar de él así como me cuidas a mí’ indicó la niña.

Conocí a sus padres. Insistieron en escuchar la canción. Luego de interpretarla el hombre me contó, con lágrimas asomándose en sus ojos, acerca de sí. Era un hombre retirado, había sido pastor de una iglesia por muchos años. Junto a su esposa decidieron un día adoptar una niña a sabiendas que había nacido hiv positivo.

A sabiendas…

El hombre dejó el servicio a la iglesia cuando la niña comenzó a enfermarse seriamente. Ya era ella una jovencita de catorce años de edad, con una sonrisa amplia eternamente grabada en su rostro y un corazón enorme. Mucha gente criticó su abandono de la iglesia.

‘Es usted admirable’ indiqué. ‘Gente como usted son los verdaderos héroes que salvan el mundo. Salvan el mundo entero de una chica. El cielo esta hecho para gente así, y no para aquellos que pierden su tiempo solo cantando dentro de una iglesia’

Su madre mencionó que en una semana sería el quinceañero de esta niña, que dejaría de serlo, según la tradición, para convertirse en una mujercita. De regalo había pedido vestirse de Blanca Nieves, pero la chiquilla no sabia si podría cumplirse el deseo ‘porque mis papás no tienen tanto dinero, así que si me ponen una Blanca Nieves en el bizcocho con eso me imaginare que soy yo’. Mientras miraba con disimulo a su madre ella me hacía señas, afirmando con su cabeza y llevando su dedo a la boca en señal de silencio.

Llegaba el fin de semana, tendría el domingo una presentación con la banda donde solía ser vocalista. La niña andaba muy mal, su condición empeoraba, mas ella con mas ánimo me dijo ‘Espero que todo les vaya bien, quisiera estar bien para poder ir a verlos cantar. Antes que se vaya, doctor ¿Cree que pueda estar el martes fuera de aquí para poder ir a mi quinceañero?’

‘Quién sabe’ respondí ‘quizás sí’.

Ese viernes ella ya había comenzado a levantarse de la camilla a caminar, tenía mas fuerzas. Su ánimo aumentaba cada momento.

Conseguí los permisos para poder traer la banda entera a la unidad de intensivo a cantar para ella, que ya mejoraba tanto que fue trasladada al piso regular. Sus resultados de laboratorio, sin embargo, estaban peor que nunca.

‘Lo que hace el ánimo y la fe’ me dije a mí mismo.

El domingo al medio día vendríamos inmediatamente luego de nuestra presentación a cantarle como regalo sorpresa de quinceañero.

El martes se cumpliría su sueño mayor. El lunes posiblemente se daría de alta. El domingo en la madrugada falleció…

Ya en la funeraria su padre me presentó como ‘el medico loco, el único que la hizo sonreir durante sus últimos días’.

Me acerqué al ataúd, donde se hallaba aquel ángel inocente que ya no sonreía. Allí yacía con su osito de peluche entre sus manos inertes. Vestía su traje de Blanca Nieves y, como en el cuento, dormía en su féretro esperando al príncipe azul que para ella nunca vendría.

De seguro desde el cielo escuchaba la canción que allí le cantamos y danzaba con su vestido nuevo eternamente sonriendo…

Lección Aprendida: Mañana puede ser muy tarde para demostrar amor.